Everything.
Just crazy.
Too much to figure out at once.
Nothing is simple.
---------------------------------------------------------------
So, before this all went down I was managing to do all the children's stuff. Everyone had their own activities and everything was organised and busy but calm and flowed nicely. I was calm, I was even happy. Feeling like I'd made progress with myself and my organising skills (at least in regards to the children's learning).
But now, wow, everything is so chaotic. Something going on everyday. So much stuff I'm trying to organise. I'm feeling really stressed again. But like always when doing things for my brother, it doesn't matter how much work I put in, how much time, how much I advocate for him; in the end the brunt of the work and decisions need to be made by him, for him. And that is stressful for me. I used to think it was just teenage laziness holding him back, now it might be much more. Now he's apparently in recovery but... There are so many symptoms still present it's hard to believe he's expected to function as normal when he currently isn't.
It's difficult. I can talk to him now and he can seem completely fine until... he starts talking about something completely random and nonsensical. And it's probably just leftover symptoms that will fade but what if it's not? What if he's always been like this? What if this is how he is now? When I remember back I can think of times he talked similarly but I thought it was just pretend, make believe, imagination. What if it wasn't? What if he always thought it was real?
