well, I've been gradually getting around to writing this.
haven't really been wanting to, i cant think of the right words
I've been being really 'blase'/ casual about how i did on the test
but i know in at least a couple of questions i had no clue therefore i most likely failed
section by section
how frickin annoying
well... first section, went way too slow to start off with, but i couldn't speed up without compromising actual effort
second section, it seemed so much easier in the practice exam. i sorta expected that but even so...
third section, by then my brain was literally fried, some of them i understood (or thought i did) but...
i sorta didn't take much in for the rest of the day
although now I'm marginally calmer i can remember the whole day (after leaving umat) perfectly clearly
i think that when dad picked me up he could see i was completely freaking (i now think he reads me a lot better then i usually realise) so we went back into the city coz mum wasn't finished till 3:00. dad and i went to the central markets, to the dining hall area coz it was about 1:00 by then (btw the eating hall is massive and it was incredibly crowded when we got there) we found this place that sells crepes as well as other foodstuffs and we ate there, dad said i could have a crepe after we'd eaten, but he forgot so i didn't get one :(
then we went wandering around and looked at random stuff around the place
i tried this strange food item, it was sorta like a donut, but not quite donut pastry, the pastry reminded me more of puff pastry but not so crumbly, gah! i cant explain it but it was really nice.
and yes you may have noticed that im talking more about what i did after the umat then what i felt during it, but i just cant explain it. thats why its taken me this long to write this, i was trying to wait till i was in a writing mode (coz i can only write in certain moods) but its taken this long for me to realise that i have been in a writing mood (hence my wish to write) but i just cant articulate my feelings at that point in time. the best way i can describe it is blankness, but thats not quite correct... anyway
Friday, July 31, 2009
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
First day back at school, oh the joy (sarcasm just by the way)
It has already killed me on the very first day
How annoying
:P
well ive officially failed physics, almost failed english (i probably would have broken down when i got the results if i hadnt known that noone got above a b-, and even they were rare), my maths wasnt particualrly brilliant but i can live with it (it not much worse then what others got so... meh)
but other then that...
i am plotting to kill several teachers, but enough of that :P
It has already killed me on the very first day
How annoying
:P
well ive officially failed physics, almost failed english (i probably would have broken down when i got the results if i hadnt known that noone got above a b-, and even they were rare), my maths wasnt particualrly brilliant but i can live with it (it not much worse then what others got so... meh)
but other then that...
i am plotting to kill several teachers, but enough of that :P
holiday 'fun'
Oh the excitement to be had in the holidays
Well... the holidays have been... yeh rather boring but... I’ve been trying to use them to rest up. Coz next term is gunna kill me, especially the first week when we get the results from our exams as well as the grades for the semester. If my semester grades aren’t good then Dads gunna murder me, and I think a teacher, maybe a couple are gunna kill me first day back if I didn’t do well on my midyears.
*sigh*
Anyways... besides that, lol, I’ve actually been trying to forget about school for the last couple of weeks to save myself from the stress of worrying over the exams. With mixed results, it hasn’t been that hard to forget about school since I’ve had no contact with anyone from school, but the occasional random thought about exams, or umat which is even more worrying, has been harder to ignore.
Can you believe that two weeks before the umat test, they send me an email, in the middle of the school holidays mind you, asking me to send in a letter from the school, on the school letterhead etc. to prove that I still attend school in year 12. Which isn’t an unreasonable request but to receive it in the middle of the holidays, and they want the reply by wed the 22nd which is in the first week of school btw
Gah!! Anyways... other than that random grrness... what was I talking about?
Ah right, forgetting school, yes... relatively easy. Too easy perhaps, coz I sorta have homework to do. A whole chapter of maths, I still have to finish the supporting materials for English (yeh I’m slow and lazy, I know), and that chem. thing, and that classics thing. Some of which I’ve done btw, I haven’t completely turned sloth for the holidays, hence the ‘mixed results’ in forgetting. meh left to the last minute once again, I’m hardly surprised.
*extra long sigh*
I went out today (Thursday 16th July), with Mum and Sue, to colonnades. They were looking for... I dunno stuff, and I wanted to look at dresses for formal. So I went off and did my stuff and they went and did theirs. I started at the big w end and walked all the way to the other end, looking in random clothes shops as they caught my attention. But I didn’t really find anything that interested me a great deal. I did find one dress that was very nice, it was made of cheesecloth material, floor length, light blue, it was nice, but not quite what I was looking for, so I didn’t bother to even take note of which of the many shops it was in. It wasn’t till I was at the opposite end of the centre that I finally found a decent shop, across from jb called ‘rose’ something, can’t quite recall that name but I know where it is so that’ll do. There were some great dresses in there, very much within what I’d accept, none the perfect image to what I’ve got in my mind, but a few close enough that I’d be happy with them.
See... at first I wanted a purple, a real deep purple, ankle to floor length, dress. But then I found out the decorations are gunna be purple and blue, I don’t particularly want to blend in with the background for this so I changed my mind and I’ve now decided I want a deep, blood red, sorta like scarlet, or garnet. And I haven’t managed to find any ankle to floor length dresses, id probably have to go to Marion or the city to look for them. But I’d be fairly happy if it was at least calf length, I wouldn’t want it to be any shorter, not at any time really but especially not for a formal event. And there were some fairly nice dresses that basically fit that description there, none of them were really the deep yet vivid red I want but they’d do. I tried on one particular dress, it was very nice, red, obviously, and it had wide shoulder straps, a ‘v’ neck, fake wraparound skirt that was joined on the side. I liked it a lot, but I managed to talk myself out of it coz ... well I’m not sure it’s exactly what I’ll want for formal in a few months time. I need to look around a bit more, as well as hear what the other girls have planned, not that it’ll influence me that much but I’d rather not look like a complete retard on that particular night. The dress was very nice, but it was more of a sophisticated ‘going out’ dress rather than an evening gown, which is what I sorta have pictured for my dress.
Well... I’ll find the right dress eventually; after all, it was only the first time I’ve properly looked for it.
Bah hah hah I’ve managed to successfully distract myself from thoughts of school in a couple of days. How amusing (not school, me distracting myself from it :P )
lols
anyways...
Enough from me for now :P
Well... the holidays have been... yeh rather boring but... I’ve been trying to use them to rest up. Coz next term is gunna kill me, especially the first week when we get the results from our exams as well as the grades for the semester. If my semester grades aren’t good then Dads gunna murder me, and I think a teacher, maybe a couple are gunna kill me first day back if I didn’t do well on my midyears.
*sigh*
Anyways... besides that, lol, I’ve actually been trying to forget about school for the last couple of weeks to save myself from the stress of worrying over the exams. With mixed results, it hasn’t been that hard to forget about school since I’ve had no contact with anyone from school, but the occasional random thought about exams, or umat which is even more worrying, has been harder to ignore.
Can you believe that two weeks before the umat test, they send me an email, in the middle of the school holidays mind you, asking me to send in a letter from the school, on the school letterhead etc. to prove that I still attend school in year 12. Which isn’t an unreasonable request but to receive it in the middle of the holidays, and they want the reply by wed the 22nd which is in the first week of school btw
Gah!! Anyways... other than that random grrness... what was I talking about?
Ah right, forgetting school, yes... relatively easy. Too easy perhaps, coz I sorta have homework to do. A whole chapter of maths, I still have to finish the supporting materials for English (yeh I’m slow and lazy, I know), and that chem. thing, and that classics thing. Some of which I’ve done btw, I haven’t completely turned sloth for the holidays, hence the ‘mixed results’ in forgetting. meh left to the last minute once again, I’m hardly surprised.
*extra long sigh*
I went out today (Thursday 16th July), with Mum and Sue, to colonnades. They were looking for... I dunno stuff, and I wanted to look at dresses for formal. So I went off and did my stuff and they went and did theirs. I started at the big w end and walked all the way to the other end, looking in random clothes shops as they caught my attention. But I didn’t really find anything that interested me a great deal. I did find one dress that was very nice, it was made of cheesecloth material, floor length, light blue, it was nice, but not quite what I was looking for, so I didn’t bother to even take note of which of the many shops it was in. It wasn’t till I was at the opposite end of the centre that I finally found a decent shop, across from jb called ‘rose’ something, can’t quite recall that name but I know where it is so that’ll do. There were some great dresses in there, very much within what I’d accept, none the perfect image to what I’ve got in my mind, but a few close enough that I’d be happy with them.
See... at first I wanted a purple, a real deep purple, ankle to floor length, dress. But then I found out the decorations are gunna be purple and blue, I don’t particularly want to blend in with the background for this so I changed my mind and I’ve now decided I want a deep, blood red, sorta like scarlet, or garnet. And I haven’t managed to find any ankle to floor length dresses, id probably have to go to Marion or the city to look for them. But I’d be fairly happy if it was at least calf length, I wouldn’t want it to be any shorter, not at any time really but especially not for a formal event. And there were some fairly nice dresses that basically fit that description there, none of them were really the deep yet vivid red I want but they’d do. I tried on one particular dress, it was very nice, red, obviously, and it had wide shoulder straps, a ‘v’ neck, fake wraparound skirt that was joined on the side. I liked it a lot, but I managed to talk myself out of it coz ... well I’m not sure it’s exactly what I’ll want for formal in a few months time. I need to look around a bit more, as well as hear what the other girls have planned, not that it’ll influence me that much but I’d rather not look like a complete retard on that particular night. The dress was very nice, but it was more of a sophisticated ‘going out’ dress rather than an evening gown, which is what I sorta have pictured for my dress.
Well... I’ll find the right dress eventually; after all, it was only the first time I’ve properly looked for it.
Bah hah hah I’ve managed to successfully distract myself from thoughts of school in a couple of days. How amusing (not school, me distracting myself from it :P )
lols
anyways...
Enough from me for now :P
Monday, July 6, 2009
Hmm hmm hmm
Hmm hmm hmm
Had my last exam today
Yayness
No more school for ... well a couple of weeks is something
Sorta failed my exams though
But I’m determined not to worry about my exams or my term grade until AFTER the holidays
Yeh... determined
Like that’s gunna count for much
:P
But anyways...
I’m not gunna get to put this on the net till tomorrow at least, if then
Coz its 6:14 at night atm. I’m in my bedroom and well... I don’t have the access to the net, so I’ll have to wait till later. By later I mean tomorrow/next week sometime.
meh
I will eventually convince dad to get me: a computer mouse (this touchpad sorta abrades the tips of my fingers), and a prepaid internet usb thingy, he talks about a printer and scanner, but I have my priorities :P
So stoked to have just this though
Been waiting for so long, and then to suddenly have it. I don’t get excited over much these days, and when I do I don’t show it, but I really am excited about this in particular. Once again I’m not showing it all that much, but if someone was to look closely enough, it’s there.
Hmm hmm hmm (doing little dance of joy)
He he he
This hyperness is also because the stress over exams is over for the moment. I don’t have to worry about school for a whole two weeks. Yay!!
Had my last exam today
Yayness
No more school for ... well a couple of weeks is something
Sorta failed my exams though
But I’m determined not to worry about my exams or my term grade until AFTER the holidays
Yeh... determined
Like that’s gunna count for much
:P
But anyways...
I’m not gunna get to put this on the net till tomorrow at least, if then
Coz its 6:14 at night atm. I’m in my bedroom and well... I don’t have the access to the net, so I’ll have to wait till later. By later I mean tomorrow/next week sometime.
meh
I will eventually convince dad to get me: a computer mouse (this touchpad sorta abrades the tips of my fingers), and a prepaid internet usb thingy, he talks about a printer and scanner, but I have my priorities :P
So stoked to have just this though
Been waiting for so long, and then to suddenly have it. I don’t get excited over much these days, and when I do I don’t show it, but I really am excited about this in particular. Once again I’m not showing it all that much, but if someone was to look closely enough, it’s there.
Hmm hmm hmm (doing little dance of joy)
He he he
This hyperness is also because the stress over exams is over for the moment. I don’t have to worry about school for a whole two weeks. Yay!!
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
exam stress
You should never apply your own situations to other peoples. I know it’s hard because your own experiences are all we have to learn from. But just trying to wrap my head around the differences between two situations has given me a headache.
I’m going through difficulties atm. Everyone is coz of year 12. And mostly I’m ok about it, better than some others I think. But... some things are hard on me. Especially coz everything is loading up on me, that’s generally what happens with me. By itself everything is ok, but when it’s all put together, it’s just too much for me to bear. Right about now you’re probably saying to yourself that the same thing happens to everyone else as well and that I’m just complaining about nothing. And that may be true. I know that there is most likely people about there who have much more difficult situations than I do. But that knowledge doesn’t make it any easier for me to bear.
I don’t deal very well with stress. Although I’m sure it seems that I do. Shazz asked me at school this morning why i wasn’t stressing out about the exams. What she doesn’t realise is that i am stressing out, but in my own way. I almost never show stress. I hold it in and bottle it up, which i know isn’t healthy for me and is probably what is making me sick. But it’s just how I deal with it. Especially right now, with the exams, what would be the use of freaking out, or ‘breaking down’? Everyone else apparently is, but there are two reasons why I’m not: 1) its only midyear and I’m saving my panic for finals. 2) In a lot of ways I’ve already given up on my subjects.
Actually it was probably at the end of last year, when i had finished my year 12 subjects (talking mainly about biology here coz id already given up on psychology) and i realised that i hadn’t done any where near as well as id thought id been doing, and nowhere near as well as id needed to be doing. learning at the beginning of this year that noone had done very well at biology helped my pessemism a little but... i dont know if they were actually trying though or if they were just playing around.
I’m going through difficulties atm. Everyone is coz of year 12. And mostly I’m ok about it, better than some others I think. But... some things are hard on me. Especially coz everything is loading up on me, that’s generally what happens with me. By itself everything is ok, but when it’s all put together, it’s just too much for me to bear. Right about now you’re probably saying to yourself that the same thing happens to everyone else as well and that I’m just complaining about nothing. And that may be true. I know that there is most likely people about there who have much more difficult situations than I do. But that knowledge doesn’t make it any easier for me to bear.
I don’t deal very well with stress. Although I’m sure it seems that I do. Shazz asked me at school this morning why i wasn’t stressing out about the exams. What she doesn’t realise is that i am stressing out, but in my own way. I almost never show stress. I hold it in and bottle it up, which i know isn’t healthy for me and is probably what is making me sick. But it’s just how I deal with it. Especially right now, with the exams, what would be the use of freaking out, or ‘breaking down’? Everyone else apparently is, but there are two reasons why I’m not: 1) its only midyear and I’m saving my panic for finals. 2) In a lot of ways I’ve already given up on my subjects.
Actually it was probably at the end of last year, when i had finished my year 12 subjects (talking mainly about biology here coz id already given up on psychology) and i realised that i hadn’t done any where near as well as id thought id been doing, and nowhere near as well as id needed to be doing. learning at the beginning of this year that noone had done very well at biology helped my pessemism a little but... i dont know if they were actually trying though or if they were just playing around.
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