random muses

its strange how I've practically always said i wouldn't bother with blogging but now I'm making two posts in two days
although the frequency so far is probably mainly coz i have access to a computer with the net and not much else to do except play comp games

I've heard or just assumed that most people use blogs as sorta a way to release wat they're feeling
tho i do know some people also use it as a way to communicate with peoples
i prob wont use it for the second way
altho if people r honest in blogs they can be a good way to learn more about people who generally don't let you in on wats happening in their lives

that's the reason i got this blog thing i guess
if i wanted to let someone know wat was happening in my life i could just show them the blogs instead of trying to explain it all out loud
coz sometimes i have trouble expressing myself in words and i tend to become excited and talk really fast and then all my words blur and jumble together and get really confusing, and then people don't understand wat i was trying to explain in the first place
which gets me frustrated so i don't try to explain again
so then they think i was just trying to get attention and that whatever i was trying to explain obviously cant be serious so they don't think about it anymore
also i can tend to downplay major elements in my life even to myself, sometimes i wont admit how much things have affected me
and other times i dwell for way too long on how relatively little day-to-day things have had such large impacts on how i do things or how i think about things
so i guess ill have to start making a list of some of the major things that have happened to me over the years that i think have affected who i am as a person

a couple of things in particular automatically jump to mind
but they're so important ill have to take a while to think about them and just how they've affected me before i write them up

that's enough for me to write for now, ill prob end up writing more later