time... i have too much of it, thats the problem

I love seeing them play, honest I do.
It’s only later when the ‘could have beens’ start going through my head that I get sad. My fault, not theirs.














Nothing to do

How much longer?
5 hours
Too long








3 hours












She thinks I hate her, I know she does, I can see it on her face.
But I don’t, honest I don’t.
I hate myself for hurting her, but I can’t help the stray thoughts that she sees cross my face.
I get ... not angry but frustrated, not at her but at the situation, and I get angry at myself.
At the things I can’t change.

And of course I think of what ‘might have been’, who doesn’t?
But when I’m in my sane frame of mind, I know, I wouldn’t change a thing. So much worse could have happened. I’ll take the hardships as they come, rather than the grief that could have occurred.
Those ‘could haves’ frighten me much more then the ‘might haves’ bring me solace.
(That is really shit wording, damn my literary incompetence)